people: you have to be more lady like
me: suck my dick
0m: You give me a boner not a penis boner but a boner in my heart a heart on, an affection erection
I wouldn't be afraid of spiders if I could just...
Me: Oh, hey whoa, this shower is occupied.
Spider: Omg man I didn't see you there.
Me: We cool?
Spider: Yeah, yeah, we're cool. I'm just coming down to scope out the tub.
Me: Oh, that's legit. Hey, you might wanna move over some--you're descending right into the shower stream and I don't want you to drown.
Spider: Hey thanks, bud. I'll be careful.
Me: So...can I get out now?
Spider: Sure, sure! Sorry I'll just move over here.
Me: Thanks. You have a nice night. Don't come into my bedroom, okay?
Spider: Nah, that's your space. We're cool. Have a great evening.
lolatenenbaum: did you know that months that begin on sundays will always have a friday the 13th? or that coca cola would be green if food coloring wasn’t added to it? or that more people are killed each year from bees than snakes? or that camels have 3 eyelids? or that you cant kill yourself by holding your breath? or that there’s a city called Rome on every continent? or that dolphins...
60oh: can you imagine if someone sent you a list of all the reasons why they love you.
onlylolgifs: “Who cares if it was racist, it was funny!”
juilan: spaceprincessbeyonce: juilan: Do you know the muffin man? the muffin man? Did I fucking stutter
mewtoot: i think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anybody else to feel like that
Fame is for Assholes: jadelyn: princeowl:... →
jadelyn: princeowl: yomegustalapizza: princeowl: in the next life i hope im a dragon so i can kill large groups of men more quickly and efficiently #feminism THIS IS NOT FEMINISM! for fuck’s sake! feminism is about equality! not hating men and wanting them all dead!…
edcunningham: It is a common misconception that the ‘L’ in Samuel L Jackson’s name is an abbreviation of his middle name. In actuality, It is a roman numeral, signifying that he is the 50th descendant in the line of Samuel Jacksons, who have guarded our race since the ancient times.
fergusmacleod13: suklaaaa: bunnyinafez: iwantfitbody: madamedepompador: winchesterwolves: moniker-padacklyte: zillystring: wasereborworthit: mellowminty: pizzaforpresident: petition to rename the usa ‘south canada’ what about alaska are we then normal canada canada a bit to the left What about South America? Is that just America? Or South South Canada? i...
dainomite: mailorderwife: It’s really cute when boys talk about their fears bc it makes them vulnerable and easier to destroy #feminism
Where does a thought go when it’s forgotten?– Sigmund Freud (via 4mbivalent)
I still love the people I’ve loved, even if I cross the street to avoid them.– Uma Thurman (via aprettypastiche)