- people: you have to be more lady like
- me: suck my dick
Russell Brand telling Westboro Baptist what’s up.
(Source: peetamellarkswife, via suductiveawkwardness)
0m:
You give me a boner
not a penis boner
but a boner in my heart
a heart on, an affection erection
(via suductiveawkwardness)
I wouldn't be afraid of spiders if I could just talk to them, you know?
- Me: Oh, hey whoa, this shower is occupied.
- Spider: Omg man I didn't see you there.
- Me: We cool?
- Spider: Yeah, yeah, we're cool. I'm just coming down to scope out the tub.
- Me: Oh, that's legit. Hey, you might wanna move over some--you're descending right into the shower stream and I don't want you to drown.
- Spider: Hey thanks, bud. I'll be careful.
- Me: So...can I get out now?
- Spider: Sure, sure! Sorry I'll just move over here.
- Me: Thanks. You have a nice night. Don't come into my bedroom, okay?
- Spider: Nah, that's your space. We're cool. Have a great evening.
